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Answer:
You've hit on two issues that many job seekers encounter at some point: how to get meaningful feedback about why they didn't get a job, and how to explain a gap in employment.

On the first issue, don't settle for a generic brush-off. Be polite but insistent in asking for a more detailed explanation of why you weren't chosen: make it clear that you are not questioning the decision, but you are simply trying to learn from it.

The most important thing about explaining a gap in employment is to make it clear that you are now committed to the job market for the long haul. Be truthful, but give an explanation which focuses more on the future than on the past.

Given your situation, consider taking some online IT courses to refresh your knowledge, so you can position yourself as someone with completely up-to-date skills. Also, don't be afraid to take a lesser IT job with a growing company; that growth should create opportunities for you to work your way up.